|
A diagnosis
of prostate cancer is only the beginning of a turbulent
time for you and your spouse. Many men feel that a diagnosis
means either death or life with the side effects of
prostate cancer treatment. The most prevalent side effects
are impotence
and incontinence,
and it is not uncommon for men to feel that both the
disease and the treatment are robbing them of their
masculinity. All men will respond to a diagnosis differently.
Some may reach to family, friends, and colleagues as
they search for support and information. Some men will
want to keep their diagnoses between themselves and
their spouses, or possibly a few close friends or relatives.
Some men may fall into depression and are not able to
make decisions about their treatment. Some will bury
themselves in prostate cancer research to try to find
the treatment that is best for them. Some men are most
worried about whether they will be able to maintain
their sexual potency. Know that your spouse, whatever
his reaction to his diagnosis may be, needs your support
right now.
A diagnosis of a life-threatening
disease can put a strain on a relationship. In a perfect
world, couples would grow stronger and closer, but in
a truly perfect world, no one would develop any type
of cancer. Some couples may divorce or separate. Others
stay together and forge a powerful bond that was not
present before the diagnosis. The coming treatments
may test the strength of your relationship, or they
may provide the opportunity for a deep emotional attachment.
There are men undergoing prostate cancer treatment who
may need to travel across the country to receive the
treatment that is best for them. Some spouses accompany
these men, but others remain at home. Some men rely
on their spouses to help gather information, make decisions,
and visit doctors. Others prefer to make these decisions
alone. Remember that for some men love and support will
be not only valuable gifts but neccesities.
Do not underestimate your spouse's
need for physical and intimate contact. Cancer cannot
be spread through touch, but many cancer patients will
experience physical and emotional isolation. Do not
be afraid to initiate contact. Some men need contact
with their spouses more than ever but are afraid to
initiate intimacy. You know your spouse; follow your
instincts in offering him the support he needs. At the
same time, however, be in tune with your own needs.
If you are choosing to stay at his side as you two embark
on your journey, you need to eat, sleep, and have contact
with loved ones and friends. To take care of another,
you must first take care of yourself.
There are also prostate cancer support
groups available and many of these groups are for spouses
or couples. Do not underestimate the support and information
you can receive from the men and their spouses who have
gone through or who are going through the same situation
as you and your spouse. Speak with your spouse’s
doctor. Perhaps your spouse's doctor can put you in
touch with men who have undergone the prostate cancer
treatment your spouse is considering. Knowledge of the
disease and of the many ways to combat the
disease are key in defeating cancer. Finally, do not
be afraid to reach out to medical or counseling professionals,
spiritual advisors, and friends or family. The journey
through prostate cancer will put the same emotional
strain on you as your spouse. Taking care of your needs
as well will help you both as you begin the search
for the right prostate cancer treatment.
|
